The Reality of Depression and How Difficult it is to Find the Energy to Work

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m depressed. I would have known it even without “diagnosis”. But I have one of those too. Plus some Fluotex and a Mental Health Plan to fight this through. To get to the point of the title, I feel better, but it is still difficult to find the energy to be willing to work.

I have so many confused thoughts about depression in general, and depression and job searching, that I will try here to put them in order. Let’s start with “the reality of having depression and having to look for a job”, and let’s then move on to some…tips?

Something keeps me stuck

Shall we call it a dark cloud of cement?

It must have been said over and over but, people with depression are not lazy, things are just too overwhelming. Sometimes something in our stomach tries to stop us from opening that job search website. Other times the dark cloud influences our desires, and although we would like to have the ability to work, we hope we don’t get that job. Because what after? Having to wake up early everyday. Having to face people, and feedback. Negative feedback at times, yuck.

Depression is characterized by persistent sadness, whereas social anxiety is an irrational fear of social interactions. These are separate conditions, but they can co-occur, creating a unique challenge. In fact, for nearly 70 percent of individuals diagnosed with both disorders, social anxiety comes first, then depression

I swear. Sometimes it’s just too difficult to get up and brush my teeth, let alone go somewhere full of people, and having bigger responsibilities and tasks to perform.

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I don’t feel like I can be myself.

Why would people want to work with me? Maybe this has got to do more with feeling like an imposter, but I bet many other people with depression feel the same too. I know, somewhere deep below, I am deeply convinced of being worthless. Useless. And honestly, just something to be ashamed of being.

I know one day, if I’ll be working somewhere “important”, someone at some point is going to notice. I shouldn’t be there.

This makes me scared as s**t.

Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”

And yea, anxiety, imposter syndrome…they are not necessarily Depression. But freakin’ depression is something so much more complex than just being extremely sad. Sometimes it involves many other syndromes, all confabulating together in our brains.

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I feel like a small thing left under the rain

This point may sound a bit victimistic. Maybe it is. I don’t know. Maybe it relates a lot to the two previous points. I don’t know! Point being

I’m just so scared of everything…if not everything, of many things.

Yes, I feel vulnerable. And I am embarrassed about feeling vulnerable. And I am embarrassed of having difficulties “adulting” and searching more consistently for a job. I am embarrassed of still needing support: from my mum, from my Country, from my loved ones. Both emotionally, and at times economically.

I just feel like I need a hug. A permanent one. Some huge bed with fluffy pillows that would shelter me from real life.

Let’s see, What can we do?

Ask for Help. Don’t be afraid

Nothing to be ashamed of. Yes, I said it. I am ashamed of everything. But I know that it is a feeling….and not what I think, rationally.

Talk to a friend. Talk to your partner. If not enough, or if you feel like they don’t understand. Talk to your GP (that is what I did first), find a therapist, or call some help-lines.

I don’t know all over the world, but some helpful numbers in Australia are:

BeyondBlue: 1300 22 4636

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Get Active

As a antidepressant. It works (for many, everyone is different).

One in 10 adults in the United States struggles with depression, and antidepressant medications are a common way to treat the condition. However, pills aren’t the only solution. Research shows that exercise is also an effective treatment. “For some people it works as well as antidepressants, although exercise alone isn’t enough for someone with severe depression,” says Dr. -Michael Craig Miller, assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

It doesn’t cost much (or anything at all) to give it a try. Join a local gym, go for a swim, find a sport you’ll love. I like martial arts, and to run…ok, walk!

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Create a Schedule

I have notice that when I am forced to stick to a routine (though I hate routines) I feel “better”.

As for job hunting:

Do not make job hunting a 24/7 endeavor. Make sure you schedule time for therapy, self-care, opportunities to recharge with friends or family, and, if you’re between gigs, volunteering time. Establishing a routine can help to keep you motivated when you’re also combating depression.

Stephanie Heath, a former recruitment lead and current job search consultant at Soulwork and Six Figures says, “My clients apply to 10 to 15 positions Monday through Friday and then step away from the job search on weekends.” This type of schedule allows you time to refresh and rest prior to diving back in on Monday.

I found this article interesting: 10 Tips for Job Searching When You Also Have Depression | The Muse …Just from a google search. I suppose that is always helpful too.

Well, there it is. If you suffer from depression, or can related to some of these points, don’t worry (but maybe you can’t help it). You are not alone. While, if you know someone who you think might be depressed, anxious or other, and they have difficulties waking up in the morning and going to work. Try to listen to them and support them, don’t assume they are just lazy.

Photo by Wright Brand Bacon on Unsplash

Italian from Taranto, Australian from Melbourne, a “born again gamer (?)”. Writing about social psychology, businesses, and most likely, quite a bit of poetry!

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